Because it’s finals season, it seems like everywhere I look I’m being reminded to take care of myself and prioritize my mental health. But what does self care mean when you’re dealing with depression? Here’s my list:

1. Recognize that your energy is limited.

I use spoon theory (which quantifies your total mental and physical energy for the day in terms of spoons) to plan my day. For example, I usually wake up with about 10 spoons at my disposal for the entire day. On Mondays, my class schedule takes about 6 spoons, teaching takes 1 spoon, and leading dance practice takes 1 spoon, so that leaves me with 2 spoons. Then there’s forcing myself to eat meals, each of which takes 1 spoon, so I can get through two meals max. And that’s it. We haven’t even gotten to showering, or dinner, or doing the dishes. But I go into Mondays knowing that I’m going to be running on empty, and I compensate by taking a nap during my one break of the day (which gives me the spoon I need to eat dinner). That way, I can make it to the end of Monday. A better person would probably do the dishes, but I don’t have the spoons for that, even if I have the time, so I’m not going to waste energy feeling guilty about that. I just do the dishes on Tuesday morning instead.

2. Force yourself to eat and sleep enough to be human.

Eating and/or sleeping can be unpleasant tasks sometimes when the depression brain doesn’t want to do anything, but you have to ingest a certain number of calories and sleep a certain number of hours for your brain to work. It’s just one of those pesky limitations of the human body. Do what you need to do to survive, even if that means abiding by the weirdest sleep/meal schedules on the planet.

3. Get used to arguing with yourself.

Depression comes with a certain inertia that makes it really, really hard to start a new task. Today, for example, my depression brain didn’t want to open a book. My solution? Make a convincing argument to explain why it’s time to read. Will reading be intrinsically rewarding? Will it cure my restless boredom? Is the book interesting? If I don’t have a tangible reason to crack that book open, the depression brain won’t let me do it.

4. Figure out your brain’s threshold for “too much effort.”

Sometimes, you can’t negotiate with the depression brain. In those cases, it’s better to reduce the amount of effort needed to get the task done. For example, I’ll dig through a drawer for the pills I absolutely need, but my brain considers it “too much effort” to find the bottle of multivitamins, so I keep that one on the counter in plain sight. That way, I’m not fighting my brain every day about whether or not I should take my vitamins.

5. Plan to waste time.

Depression comes with a host of cognitive problems: memory loss, shortened attention span, restlessness, inability to string thoughts together. It’s like the brain you’ve always known is suddenly functioning at 70% capacity, sometimes less. You have to plan for that. Plan extra breaks, expect things to take longer, and add a 10-30 minute buffer around any new activity. That way you’re not super behind when your brain decides to tune out for an hour.

6. Plan to lose track of time.

I have three alarms set over the span of 15 minutes every time I have to leave the house for a commitment: the “get up” alarm, the “time to leave” alarm, and the “oh shit” alarm. The same thing goes for meals and showers.

7. Know what gets you going.

Is it a specific song? A snack? An activity? For me, it’s teaching, so by scattering teaching-related activities throughout the day, I can force myself to get out of bed, if only to put myself together for my students’ sake.

8. Know what slows you down.

I always get tired at the same time of day, so there’s no point in pretending I’m going to be efficient around then. Instead, I fit all of my chores (dishes, laundry, cooking, etc.) into this time frame because that’s about all I’m capable of.
Most of this just comes down to one simple principle: planning carefully around your limitations. It takes a lot of extra time and effort on the front end, but that’s what living with a mental illness is, and I’d argue that some of this isn’t necessarily exclusive to depression. Sometimes, you just have to know what you’re capable of and be kind to yourself when you aren’t achieving max output all the time.
-Sajani

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