Today is Tanuja Gupta’s last day at Google. She helped organize the Women’s Walkout in 2018, and she has now been retaliated against for trying to organize a DEI talk on caste discrimination. I look at her, and I see what I could become— what I want to become. I want to be someone who…
Powerless
I first notice power when I am 8 years old and trying to make friends in my class. One Pokemon book and suddenly I am the accidental ringleader of my group. I coerce them into joining my Save the Earth club but I don't know how to make them care. (I haven't yet learned the…
How did I get here?
A week and a half ago, my therapist asked me to think about where my worldview came from, or how it was formed, and how I got my values. I’ve been thinking about this a lot in the last few days, especially as I’ve been forced to interact with people whose ways of viewing the…
Third Generation Pathos
I envy the people who joke about running away as if that’s an option. “Let’s move to Europe,” they say, as if the racism across the sea is any better, as if the color of my skin will change on the flight over. “Let’s move to Canada,” as if Canada wasn’t built on same the…
Four Years and 40k Later
I've written and rewritten and spoken aloud and revised and bitten my tongue and tried again on this blog post more times than I can count. And now, I'm trying again. It's hard to find the words to describe my college experience. College for me has been more like a feeling, or perhaps a series…
“Minorities”
tw: implicit mention of suicide, sterilization, death, killing They use the word "minorities" to describe us, the people of color, the queer, the poor, the differently abled, the outgroup. They call us "minorities" because there are fewer of us, but they don't interrogate the reason that is the case. There are fewer black people because…
Invisible Lines
I wish you could see the invisible lines. I see them every day connecting people to their waves hello and shouts goodbye to the way they posture and prance about to the smiles and nods and laughs well-timed— the lines can’t hide from me. I wish you saw them too in the way you swallow…
xenophobia
tw: blood AN: if y'all "not all white people" me on this one i will scream they want to send us across the styx in a boat of bullets, fueled by screams there is only one destination for us no, that's wrong they want to send us across the ocean ship away our…
Everything I’ve Been Too Scared to Say About My Arangetram
tw: depression, suicidal ideation, dysphoria, panic attacks Arangetram (noun): a three-hour solo recital, seen as a major stepping stone on the Bharatanatyam dancer's artistic journey Until my arangetram, I never practiced dance, not really. Because of my good memory, I spent my whole childhood learning the dance in the car on the way to class,…
Living with Mental Illness
Because it's finals season, it seems like everywhere I look I’m being reminded to take care of myself and prioritize my mental health. But what does self care mean when you're dealing with depression? Here’s my list: 1. Recognize that your energy is limited. I use spoon theory (which quantifies your total mental and physical energy…
Angry Twindians 